No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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