Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think my nap took me to another dimension
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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