there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
