I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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