Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
