I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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