soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
