genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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