Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
