well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
