Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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