I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
