my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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