My underwear smells like fireworks.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
