Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Too much gin, very little bucket
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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