Pappa wants mamma naked
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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