bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
