I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
