just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
