Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
