How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
