I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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