I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
