Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well I just put wine in my tea
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
