i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
