Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
