oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
