So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
