Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He kissed a someone with a penis
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
