There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
