the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
