Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
whose parrot is this?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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