Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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