Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
