Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
