ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
