i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
