i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
