I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
