Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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