I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
false alarm. still invincible.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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