How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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