when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
