You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
