Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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