so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just pee around me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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