I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
