Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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