so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
