So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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