question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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