who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
