Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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