accomplished twins. life is a go
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
