does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
