my sisters under your porch take her home
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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