I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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